I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
