I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
