Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
