There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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