I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
