bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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