Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
