did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
