Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
