I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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