I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
