Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
