remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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