went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
