when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
