please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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