How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
