btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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