i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
