worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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