We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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