I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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