I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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