Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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