I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
