You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
