he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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