the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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