My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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