I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
