another moral hangover. fuck.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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