Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My feet surprised me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
