If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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