I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
