How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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