Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
