Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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