I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
