lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
