don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
