he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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