somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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