Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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