Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
