I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
