If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
