Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
