So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
