the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think I just sharted jello shots
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