nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
