she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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